FADE IN: page 1.
EXT: DEFORMED WEED PATCH - DAY
PAN CLOSE on ground-level view of patches of not-of-this-
earth, sickly, and deformed plants and weeds.
PAN catches up with the moving OS voices (just underground)
of LENNY, who has a slight hillbilly twang and MARSHALL, with
a phony, refined sound to his speech.
The noxious plants quiver and shake as Lenny and Marshall
pass under the rotting roots to show forward movement.
LENNY (OS)
Mannnnn! Did you cut one?
Marshall has heard this same boring routine a thousand times
before.
MARSHALL (OS)
(ho-hum)
No, Lenny, I didn't cut one.
LENNY (O.S.)
Yeahhhh ya did!
MARSHALL (OS)
(annoyed)
This'll be the last time I say
this, Lenny! The very last time!
This place always stinks like this!
CAMERA PANS AHEAD, stops at the base of a shabby signpost,
and starts a SLOW PAN up the post as they talk.
MARSHALL (OS)
(continuing)
You've been bitchin' about this
smell all your life. Your father
complained about it...
CAMERA STOPS UPWARD PAN on signpost and PULLS BACK on the
sign so we can read it. It's framed by dozens of skulls and
crossbones. It reads: HAZARDOUS WASTE DUMP. DANGER!
DANGER! DANGER! KEEP AT LEAST 500 MILES DISTANCE! IF YOU
CAN READ THIS ... RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
page 2.
MARSHALL (OS)
(continuing)
... just like his father, his
father's father, and his father's
father's father before him!
Their two heads POP UP out of the ground just under the sign.
LENNY
Hey, man, it's just a little humor
to try and make a stink-o
situation tolerable!
They squirm up out to their holes to reveal they are goofy-
looking worms ... with hands and arms.
Lenny(the skinnier one) puts his hand up to his chin, his
eyes fixed on the sign.
LENNY
(continuing)
What d'ya think that sign says? It
don't look real friendly.
MARSHALL
How would I know. Worms don't
read.
LENNY
What's read?
MARSHALL
You know ...like ...
(starts reading)
"Hazardous waste dump! Danger!
Danger! Danger! Keep at least 500
miles distance! If you can read
this ... run for your life!
MARSHALL is startled at what he's just done.
MARSHALL
(continuing)
Hey! I didn't know I could do
that!
(a beat)
"Run for your life???"
MARSHALL and LENNY look at each other as the words start to
sink in.
page 3.
MARSHALL/LENNY (UNISON)
(panicked)
Run--for--your--life?
(scream)
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiii!
WIDER ANGLE as they dive into the ground and we see their two
dirt mounds ZIP OFF and disappear in the direction of the
distant setting sun.
WIPE TO:
INT. UNDERGROUND WORM CAVE
Lenny and Marshall are up on a dirt mound in front of a big
crowd of worms. They all have arms (and hands).
LENNY
I'm tellin' you the sign said this
ain't no place to be.
LENNY'S MOM
Now son, you know you have a
tendency to ... well ...
exaggerate!
Lenny turns towards Marshall.
LENNY
You tell 'em, Marshall!
MARSHALL
He's telling the truth. I saw it
too.
MARSHALL'S DAD
My boy, we been living here for
generations and nothing bad has
happened to us so far.
WORM IN THE CROWD
Yeah! Where would we go anyway?
MARSHALL
That's why we got you together.
Lenny and I thought we might just
go out and look around a little.
LENNY
Yeah. What could it hurt?
page 4.
OLD WORM
Frankly, sonny, I ain't going no
place else. I like it here just
fine.
LENNY
Gramps! This place stinks! I
mean it really stinks! We're just
talking about lookin'.
OLD WORM
Stinks? Huh. I sorta like the
way this place smells.
Every worm in the cave turns toward the old worm with sour
expressions on their faces.
CROWD (UNISON)
(disgusted)
Ouuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhhh.......
OLD WORM
HEY! Just call me adaptable!
LENNY
See! See what I mean. This place
ain't so perfect as you like to
think.
MARSHALL'S DAD
Point well taken, Lenny. So what
do you two have in mind? What's
your plan?
Lenny and Marshall give each other a blank stare.
MARSHALL/LENNY (UNISON)
Plan?
LENNY
Oh, yeah! Plan! Sure we got a
plan.
WIPE TO:
EXT. ROADSIDE - DAY
Lenny and Marshall are peeking up out of their holes at the
traffic roaring by on the nearby highway.
MARSHALL
Okay. What's your plan?
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